I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
