My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dear god my vagina.
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