Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
