he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
