What did we do last night that was yellow?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
