im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
