i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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