Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
