Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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