Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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