i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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