I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
