Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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