And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
