Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
