thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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