How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
