you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
