He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
