Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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