So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm always down for nudity.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
