just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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