I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
