In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize