No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
