I want you more than these girls want KFC
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize