So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
