Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
