You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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