All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
