my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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