20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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