ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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