ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
