just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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