My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize