Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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