Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
