Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
