Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize