I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
