you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
