I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
