thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
