So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
