if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
