sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
