Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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