so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
