I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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