Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
