just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
