I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Watching her eat just hurts me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize