Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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