you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
