I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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