Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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