After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
