is your mom at the bar?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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