just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
