I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
