I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
