im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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