dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
