In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
