some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
