Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize