Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
