i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
