I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
