You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
