I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
