Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
